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I don't believe in New Years Resolutions


Ross and I painted a wall in our house. That's right. A single wall. Ross sprayed the entire house w primer before we moved in (about a year ago) & it's been that "institutional white" primer, as I fondly call it, ever since. On the eve of the eve before New Years Eve we both woke up with a notion to paint an accent wall that we'd been thinking about doing since the summer.

 

It's weird isn't it? how time just escapes us. It's like my environment and entire world went speeding by while I just stared at a white wall with 3 paint samples taped to it for 6 months. Everything took priority; partly because money and partly because fear. And in adulthood I'm learning that money is oddly enough the best surface level excuse for things that might be more deeply rooted in fear.

 

This is a very trivial example of the manifestation of FEAR in MY LIFE but sometimes our most complex issues can be best understood from simple context.

 

Some passive thoughts that crossed my mind when I'd pass by our paint samples taped to the wall over the last several months:

 

"will the paint look good in real life like it does in my head?"

"If it doesn't look good, I will have wasted a day painting that I could've gotten work done", "We can't just paint one wall, if we're gonna do the prep work to paint, we might as well paint the whole room!"

"how can I pick one single paint color for the wall if I don't have an idea of how to decorate the entire room? or house? or outside landscape?!?" ETC. ETC.

 

For being a pretty spontaneous & creative person it surprises me how paralyzed I can become by analytical thoughts. They are all as ridiculous as they read and were easily proven wrong once painted because at the end of the day, it's just a wall .....and now it's a wall that looks AWESOME!

 

When I tell you that changed wall was the beginning spark of a transformation in our lives over the past two weeks.... it's an understatement. SO MANY other important things began falling into place and even the very mundane tasks like cooking, watching tv, cleaning etc... my joy in experiencing them skyrocketed.

 

All because of ONE SINGLE PAINTED WALL.


I share this story because I do not believe in new years resolutions. I do not believe that resolving who you were with who you want to be happens through setting and achieving a BIG GOAL that'll last for A LONG TIME (decorate the house! gym everyday to lose 50 lbs! make X amount of money!), it's about just doing one thing. One thing that we feel compelled to do, sometimes that's a small goal that repeats to supports a bigger one but also sometimes it is a mundane task that may or may not seem like it will ever amount to ANYTHING.

I've found that when I follow that compelling voice, what I might believe to be a meaningless task often leads to a far greater and more profound chain of events than I could've ever foreseen myself and/or those around me.

 

So with all that being said, I don't think any of us need an entire overhaul, however, if you do have a white wall in your life asking for a change, i've found that it's worth the small effort to just pick up a brush, dip it in your favorite hue and and paint it the color you want to see in your world.


Happy New Year!

-----------------------------------

PS. Last year I made this playlist that was my 2023 theme; I broke my tailbone snowboarding to it, I healed my tailbone crying to it, I pumped myself up traveling with it & journaled my heart out. This year's personal playlist is quite different already (Lizzie McGuire? ok) and it'll change as as the months go by






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